Fang Bang

Nero Angelo vs Axel, Match 561 - Halloween 2017 (UCW)

The introductory flourish of Toccata and Fugue in D minor announces the fact that what follows will be high camp, befitting the holiday. By rights, the setting should be a fog-enshrouded palace with an interior co-designed by Nicolas Pineau and a massive cluster of spiders. Instead, we get the homely simplicity of UCW's cinder-block fight space with a shirtless Axel sweeping the mat. Then, a sudden three-second blackout, lightning and thunder, after which we see the same space now adorned with a few unobtrusive jack-o-lanterns and skulls. Axel's now in Little Red Riding Hood drag (again! ... note to self: watch more wrestling with Axel in a dress - it's HOT!). Behind him lurks Nero Angelo dressed as Dracula, his pecs, hard belly, and thick thighs parting a cape as black as a Wallachian midnight.

UCW's holiday specials are so silly they're impossible to criticize. You either roll with them or embarrass yourself trying to explicate subtext that probably isn't there. I'll go with the former even though Ringside at Skull Island is largely a product of the latter. Axel hastily shapes his forearm and the broomstick into a makeshift cross. "Ach, that does not vork with me!" Nero replies with an accent that comes and goes. He is here, he announces, "to feast on virgin blood," which elicits a hearty laugh from Axel, who replies, "You're about a decade too late on that one." "Trust me," Nero shoots back, "I've heard your track record. It's not that impressive." The conversation stops abruptly when Axel repeatedly drives the top of the broom into Nero's midsection, driving him back to the wall. He then proceeds to smash the vampire's "pumpkins" (so called) and strangle him with his red cape.

For most of the 24-minute match the supernaturally powerful Dracula dominates Red Riding Hood with chinlocks, crotch claws, and butt-slapping. Now and then RRH retaliates with short-lived bodyscissors that Drac effortlessly breaks. Crotch-stomps, snapmares, and gut-punches lead to clutches, hugs, stretches, and a wide array of stock Angelo-style boundary-crossing. Oh and there's an against-the-wall anal impaling with a toilet plunger that could trigger flashbacks for longtime Linda Blair fans! All of this is loads of fun and sexy as a nine-foot stack of naked UPS guys. I wouldn't have missed this video for the world, one of UCW's best Halloween treats (or tricks) ever!

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